Weekly Zen ~ Wisdom from the Bathroom Stall

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.

~Henri Bergson

A Loss for Words

I am just now winding down after an AMAZING writer's retreat, yet gearing up for my trip to Chicago for Meadville Lombard's prospective student conference. I am trying to remain in the moment of each experience, soaking up every minute, all the while wishing they were a few weeks apart so I could savor all the more.

The weekend was full of inspiration, reflection, catching up with my old high school friend, as well as many familiar returning faces. My friend Lorie and I both turn 40 this year and celebrated at the retreat (my 5th, her first) by bringing wine, chocolate and presents.


I learned many wonderful things (of course!) as I do every single year, and have decided to devote different posts to each lesson (there's that stretching out the savoring thing again.)

So this post, I want only to focus on the most poignant part of this years retreat for me, well, likely for us all. It is a bittersweet reflection.

Sadly, one of my favorite instructors, a poet named Judi Beach, had to back out of the retreat at the last minute. She had discovered only weeks before that she had stage four liver cancer and her health rapidly declined.


She passed away yesterday.

Judi was one of the most generous writers and instructors I have ever known, and my only regret is that I didn't get to know her better over the years. She was such an amazing instructor that she was requested to return every year. You may read more about her on her website, which I discovered has not been updated yet. I found this to be completely poetic, as I still feel such energy from Judi I doubt she will ever feel gone to me. I almost feel like sending out an email to her and that, wherever she is, she will receive it and smile.

Here is one of my favorite poems of Judi's-

From...How far Light must Travel

Light

Sun comes in where it can, secure in its welcome.
The moon, too, trails through the house.
And if the sun or moon is not available,
we find comfort in the incandescence of lamps.
We take advantage of every bright source
to place our paintings and art, our photos of loved ones.
Houseplants collaborate for light from a single window.
We are never without it even on nights of no moon.
When the wind has blown electricity into the next county,
we reach for flashlight or candle, praise the domestication of fire.
In the presence of light, whatever the source, we do not feel alone.

There are times when we forget we can see in shadow
and times the heart's darkness forgets the sun is waiting to get in.
But even the blind know that light brings warmth.
A cold rock resting in a ribcage will find heat and beat again.

~Judi Beach



Ironically, the Jackie Greene song that is playing on this post, was the one I chose to use last week because of it's opening line, "I've been thinkin' bout some women." I thought that was a perfect song to accompany my retreat post. I had no idea at the time that Judy was ill.

I forgot it was on here today, until I was finished with the first draft of the post and tested it out. As I listen only one word came to mind- apropos. Please send loving thoughts to Judi's family as you listen to the whole song.

As I keep in mind the positive direction I'm headed on my own journeys this week, I am choosing to reflect on Judi's light. That amazing bright aura surrounded her and enveloped everyone she met. I will follow it as a beacon in the dark this week, toward my future bright and full of reflection.

Peace, love, and red wine

Ready to Retreat

I am headed off this weekend on my annual trip to the Company of Women Writers Retreat.
I am really swamped with printing up new business cards, working on my photo collage of Punderson State Park, which I am donating for the raffle. I am also putting together a slide show of photos I took for the retreat director last year, along with many others given to me from previous years. That's taking a lot longer than I anticipated (always the procrastinator.) My life long friend Lorie is going with me this year, and we are going to stay up late drinking some wine, eating some chocolate and chatting like we're still sneaking to get away with those kind of activities. Hmmmm...these days with four kids and a very busy extra curricular activity calendar (spread sheet on the computer actually) perhaps I do need to sneak away!

I am going to savor every moment. Well...except for the fact that one or two of the aforementioned four kids and/or my husband passed along a cold to me. I think I have one every second week of April for this retreat. But I'm not going to let it stop me!

So there won't be much posting this week.

Or next week actually, as I am off again, this time for a prospective student conference looking into returning for my MA in Religious History. Can't wait for that trip either!

It seems when it rains it really does pour. This week it feels as though I am under the skittle clouds and soaking up some candy!

Reclaiming My Life ~ Step One

We did it.

Five times since Wed.

For two hours a day.

In spite of me having a horrendous UTI on Sunday complete with a side order of painfully passed kidney stone.

I was determined-no committed to do it as much as possible this time. For once I refused to be deterred by my health from my goal of doing it more.

And, for the first time since Anna's was born, I am even starting to look forward to it and almost enjoying it. As a matter of fact Rick didn't want to do it yesterday and I was disappointed enough to do it all by myself!

NO! Not THAT! Geesh! The fact that I said Rick didn't want to do it yesterday should have been a clue it wasn't THAT ;)

We joined the YMCA on Wed and have worked out two hours a day ever since. I have yet to see any Biggest Loser level results though, as we also still continued to eat at our normal over consuming rate, but it has to be doing something right? Let's hope.

As I was walking into the locker room to put on my granny-skirted swimsuit, a very pregnant woman was walking out with a shirt on that said "Baby Fat". I told her, "Well I need a shirt like that one, but now that my 'baby' is two, I don't think I can pass it off as postpartum anymore." She laughed politely, and I detected an edge of pity for me, as though she was thinking "No way in HELL I'm lookin' like THAT two years from now!"

It reminded me of a "Baby Fat" post I wrote last year about my determination to get back into shape and reclaim my

"Stacy's Mom" status once more!

A year has passed since that post...

And I'm still the same weight. Still fluctuating. Still tired and worn out at 39.

THIRTY-NINE! For only a few short weeks. Then I will turn....

FORTY.

I weigh 152 pounds. Four years ago when I met my dear husband I weighed...

124 pounds.

When we got married about a year later I weighed .....

134 pounds.

Then when I got pregnant with Anna....
ok, well ....you don't even want to know what that total was.

I wasn't too worried because, even though I started out higher than I wanted to, I put on the same I did with the boys and actually weighed less at delivery than I did with Noah.

So I should be able, two years later, to be the same weight I was after Noah right?

Well, actually I AM. I didn't lose my postpartum weight with Noah until he was two, I started smoking, and I left my then husband/now EX-husband, friend and co parent.

One new husband, baby girl now toddler, Deep Vein Thrombosis, and Toxic Multi-Nodular Goiter later-

The "Lose Weight Fast!- Get a Divorce, Work 44 Hours a Week, While Going to School Full Time, and Chain Smoking" diet is not an option this time.

So WHAT to do?

Introduce Anna to daycare gently, by having her play at the Y-babysitting room a couple hours a day (which by the way she is NOT interpreting as a gentle introduction. More like abandonment. She shrieks at me when I leave like a child in war torn Europe being ripped from it's mother's arms.) She does love the pool though. So I reward her with that when I'm done working out.

I do 25 mins on the elliptical followed by 35 mins on the treadmill. Then, put on the Granny Skirt suit and head to the pool for a half hour of laps, after which I put on an "inefficient" cover up to run up and give Anna her pool reward for allowing me to abandon her for an hour and a half.

That d@mn Granny suit. I bought it when PREGNANT with Anna. It's not a maternity suit per say, but since I'm still so out of shape every time I sport it I feel like relaxing my belly and pretending I AM pregnant, so I won't have to be too sad when the eventual question comes from the other Granny Suit sporters (the ones who are actually GRANNIES) who are in arthritis exercise class in the pool while I'm doing laps. At least I can take 'em on lap time so I can escape from their good natured conversation about my matronly belly.

I have been disparately shopping for a new one piece, but even a year after nursing it's the only one that fits me right in the boobs. If I try on a 10 or 12, they fit til I try to hoist them up over the mountainous chest I still sport. If I go to a 14 it's so loose there's no support. So I continue on with my White Stag cross backed skirted granny suit, generically labeled size Large, with a unique t/cross back that really actually supports me nicely. If only I could find that fit up top without the damn skirt (or a smaller more trendy version of the skirt...ech-hem...if one does in fact exist that could be labeled trendy.)

And Stacey's Mom? Well last night the former title holder watched as my ten year old tried to get into the hot tub by the pool, and the life guard yelled at him- no kids allowed. Then I got in without a glance from her, of course. A young couple joined me and the same lifeguard jumped up and ran over to the tub demanding, "Are you two eighteen????" Well of course they said yes, then admitted to me later that the girl was only sixteen. We laughed about how silly it was for the lifeguard to ask her that question that way, instead of, "How old are you?" She must be a rookie dealing with teens. Then I said, "Hmmm....why didn't the life guard ask ME that question????" They laughed....nervously. OBVIOUSLY she wouldn't have asked ME that...now.

But you know, there was a time not many years ago when she might have :( A time when even though it was obvious that I was over 21, the waiters always carded when I was out with my much younger theatre friends. Now? The waiter would probably assume I was THEIR mother.

I really hope I'll get there, sans cigarettes and over scheduling.

It's so much harder with four kids, two of whom are THIRTEEN, going on "giving me gray hairs."

BUT....

The Y has brought one immediate change. In the way the kids see our house. We used to be the mean and boring parents, with more rules and expectations than they have elsewhere.

But now? We're the cool parents with the fun Y membership.

I guess in this case membership does have it's privileges.

New Outlet

Have a new place to blog. It's an anonymous site for blended families. I LOVE it and all the new friends/support I have found there. It's a place I can write about the things I cannot write about here :)

SO.... I have been absent here for a few weeks.

But I would like some advice from my blogger friends. I am trying to organize a Step mom retreat for some women on there. Here are my requirements-

Within five to six hours drive North, South, or West of Canton, Ohio
A place with one of the following atmospheres

Beach (a lake is good. Not Cleveland- looking for something different)
River city
Mountains/Hills/Cabins
Culture- plays, shopping, art
Spa

So let me know what you all think!

No- Not an ACTIVIST!!!!

You'll Change The World As An Activist!

Your philosophy? Make it happen! With your big heart and willingness to take initiative, it should be no surprise that you’ll change the world through your direct actions. While others might be more content working behind the scenes, a direct go-getter like you is more fulfilled by working on the front lines.

Willing to roll up your sleeves and get the job done, you know the world won’t wait for others. Whether you’re volunteering at a soup kitchen in your own backyard, or joining the Peace Corps to learn from and help others in developing countries, chances are, you know every individual can help make big change.

Find out how you will change the world.

Join the HungerMovement.org community.

Man Oh Man! I knew it! I'm fated to do things like the Until The Violence Festival! Ok... Now I'll post my shameless self promotional plug :)

May, June, July, and August are CRAZY!!!!

So... this is why I'm not posting lately (thanks Gareth for reminding me that it's now June and Mother's Day was my last brief post.)

This week is the kids last week of school. This weekend my mother-in-law is coming up because we are having a child dedication ceremony (UU equivalent to Christening) for Anna. I am really excited and it is going to be lovely at a local park. My church is having it's potluck afterward so we are bringing cake to celebrate!

But, back to why this event is just one in a sea of craziness as far as social/family/creative events go.

I am on the committee to produce NE Ohio's Until the Violence Stops Festival as well as co-planning an event in my area as well as acting in said event. It is on June 23rd because that's when everyone ELSE could do it!!!! I have to go to my niece's graduation party that afternoon, and I had to pass on my sister-in-law's reception, my dear DG's B-day party, another friend's play reading for a new play he wrote, and originally I gave up a vacation that week for the aforementioned reception. So could someone tell me what is in my astrology chart on flippin' June 23rd that EVERY single event had to coincide???? Everyone keeps inviting me to things and inevitably they finish the invite with "on June 23rd!"

Geesh.

But then there's more. I'm taking my oldest son on a little trip for his 13th birthday this month. The next week is the event I'm in/planning. Then the next week we have my family reunion. Then in July we are headed to NJ again to visit Rick's family. THEN we are headed to Ocean City for our first ever blended family vacation. THEN in August we are hosting a big family event for Rick's NJ relatives.

I can't wait for school to start ;)

Z

Shhhhh......

Update on the Secret DVD. My sister bought it, but I'm not sure I want to view it now. From what I've heard there are a few more flaws than the book. And they're BIG ones. In a post I wrote a few weeks ago, I voiced my initial concerns about both the book and the DVD.

Basically, I feel that you don't attract EVERYTHING good or bad into your life. I feel that they have sensationalized a lot regarding it being a "secret" in the first place in order to gain publicity and therefore increase sales. And most importantly I am always wary of any person, no matter how enlightened they are, proclaiming knowledge to "absolute" truth. We each have our own version of truth, and even the best historians have their own (personal) history creating a certain level of bias.

But having spoken with several people who have seen it, and having watched quite a few shows other than Oprah (who was a huge fan and likely allowed them to soar in sales) I felt I needed to post some more concerns. Apparently, the DVD focuses a LOT on gaining material bliss. Also it makes extreme claims of self healing that are disturbing. So if you view, do so with caution. I don't think every person can heal themselves or make every monetary dream come true. Those achievements and disappointments are an important part of life lessons for us all. The universe does still exert a certain amount of randomness and chaos even to the best people.

The book may have the same focus, but perhaps because MY focus is not there I haven't noticed it as much. When I read I'm editing based on my own philosophies and experiences where as in a movie there's a lot more power to the presenter (in my opinion.)

All that being said, I still have to tell ya. Either I am highly intuitive to certain events in my life before they occur, or I can attract SOME awesome things my way. Either way, I still think that positive energy begets more of the same. At least that's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

Z

Big News part deux

Sorry to be vague here. For a few more weeks this news will be shared privately with close family and friends. But for those of you not in on that loop, we got some wonderful news today. Officially we can't start celebrating until things go through proper channels to finalize the deal in about 3 weeks. I will post more about it at that time. Until then...

Mr. Santana offers a harmonious clue below... ;)

Z

Step one...the news I can share at this time

I have two big announcements on this positive track we have taken, but one has at least another week til it's official.

Here's the current wonderful news.

Rick got his new job! For the salary he asked for! With better hours! With more opportunities to lead! With more time to devote to our other dreams!

We are floating today. It is surreal and mystical and transcendental....


Sorry I am not up to eloquence today. Too grateful for words :)

Z

Attracting The Universe to Your Dreams

I have more dreams to try out on this law of attraction. Like distance learning at Meadville Lombard Theological school, they are all related to my spirituality. So here's my wish, my prayer, my next request of the universe.

I wish to open the Z Spiritual Sanctuary and Retreat with a library, bookstore, gift shop, conference room, and yoga/Tai Chi room. The focus will be all world religions so that all are welcome to find whatever they need to enlighten them on their individual spiritual path. Retreats will be held one weekend a month and will vary in Religious topic. I also would like to host different writer's retreats including one for kids (which my kids are already excited about.)

So after telling Rick last week that I plan on going back for my MA in Religion, the next day I told him that I also feel a calling to open a spiritual sanctuary/retreat. He asked, "Where will it be?"

I answered tentatively, "Well, that's the sort of crazy part."

And he responded enthusiastically, "So it's going to be in "your house" down the street? Because that was the first place I thought of when you said that."

Synchronicity.


I love that man o' mine :)


This is the place. I am going to buy this house one day (soon) and save it from falling apart. No one lives in it now. It was a rental property, but the man who purchased it in the mid 90's has not done a thing with it. No one has lived there in a decade.

Built in 1906 (likely from a Sears type house kit) it was once a proud and lively home. Now it stands alone and empty. For the past 3 years, it has soulfully called out to me every time I drive by.

I'll let you all know when it comes to pass. I need the universe to attract some funding to this dream. I am also focusing on attracting a decent sale offer from the current owner. Lastly, I am putting out an attraction for some generous volunteer help fixing it up (ie a design goddess friend of mine and the dream team of her choice :)

Z

Attracting An Impassioned Profession

A few months ago Rick and I started brainstorming about what we want to do about launching our lifecoaching business. We do this every couple months, get excited about it, then end the discussion with "someday when we are in a better financial place." Lately for some reason we have been discussing it more and more. Last month Rick said, "Let's plan on launching it in three years."

Then I saw the Oprah show with The Secret on it a few weeks ago. And though (as I said in my previous post) I had known about the philosophy and implemented it many times in my life......

I wasn't using it now!

I was so excited about the show I almost woke Rick up to watch it. However it was midnight and he was due to get up at 4 for work. So I waited to share it with him until the next evening. When he was done watching the show I told him that I had wanted to wake him up. He said, "You could have. This is what we've been talking about the past couple of years. Forget another three years. The time to start it is now."

So we started focusing on his current work hours improving so he can devote some more time to starting the business. When we did that two very interesting things happened in the same week. The first is that he got a call from a place that interviewed him in August. They are still considering him for a position that would have him going in a little later in the morning (he currently leaves at 5) and working less weekends. The second thing that happened was his new interim plant manager let him know they may restructure his job so that he would have less hours and more opportunities. So either way we will have what we need to go forward.
Hmm.....

Next it was my turn. I have often wanted to return to school for an MA in Religion. I feel this is crucial to my spiritual life coaching dream. Being a UU makes that difficult as virtually every college near me offers degrees focusing on Christianity only. There is an amazing UU Theological school in Chicago called Meadville Lombard.
For the past year I kept thinking...wishing... asking...

Why doesn't Meadville have a distance learning program? When will Meadville have a distance learning program?

But more importantly, recently I had started saying, "When Meadville starts their distance learning program I am going there."

That's the law.

Last week I received my Spring issue of UU world magazine. I saw some cool articles in it. Then I flipped it over and set it down on my desk.

A full page add on the back cover caught my eye...





















Ask and Ye shall receive.


Z

The Secret continued...Like Attracts Like

This is how the law of attraction has played an important part in my happiness. (For those of you just tuning in, you may want to go back and read the previous post.)

In 2004 I made up my mind to stop waiting for the person I would spend my life with. I surrendered the thought that I knew who that was or what kind of man it was. I asked for God to bring the person I was intended to be happy with into my life. I made a vow that even if I thought he wasn't the right person I would be open minded and allow it to happen. The next day I started my search.

And I found him.

Wiithin 3 weeks of looking.

I didn't recognize him at first because I was held up on all the usual things. He was an Army officer teaching ROTC and had graduated from West Point. I was a theatre major at Kent State University. He lived "don't ask don't tell" for 12 years of his life. Some of my best friends are gay. He was captain of his sprint football team and later coached it at West Point. I have not been involved in a sport since I was in sixth grade and my life is in the theatre. Surely we would have nothing in common.

Except...within a few weeks of dating I started to realize some things.

We love people the same way.
We love the blues, jazz and the big crooners.
We parent the same way.
We love to go on road trips to interesting places.
We strike up conversations with complete strangers...sometimes just in the line at the grocery store.

We come from large, very tight families and we talk to one or more of them several times a week.

We both tend to vote for our respective political parties unless we feel there is a better candidate. As a matter of fact we argue about politics less than I did with some of the most liberal men in my life.

We are both religiously open minded. Though he had never heard of it, he embraced my UUism in an amazing way. And his presence at my church has helped bridge the gap that has always existed between liberal religious and conservative political thinkers.

We also discovered rather quickly we have a dream in common. We both want to run our own coaching bussiness. His with leadership in youth and business. Mine with spirituality and relationships.

But was he who I had asked for? The question lurked in my mind along with a concerted effort to figure out the answer.

Then, when we were only dating a few weeks he asked what I wanted to do after I graduated from Kent. I answered by saying, "Well... I miss being a stay at home mom. I gave that up when I got divorced. But if I am still alone I will go on for an MA so I can teach in a state college. That will in turn allow my kids an education." I went on about a few more goals, but I always came back to missing my stay at home momness. Finally he said, "Would you rather stay at home with your kids while they're growing up?" I paused. I was weighing out whether or not my answer was "right." Would this hard working goal oriented guy want someone who wasn't concerned about making money?

But finally I shyly said, "Yes. I miss it terribly." And he replied, "I think that's an awesome quality. I mean, work if you wish but I would totally support staying at home with kids."

Wow. A man who would support me. No matter where life was calling me. And then I realized I had never really had that. Someone asking sincerely, "What do you want to do?"

So... I did in fact attract the man of my dreams into my life. I just had to go deeper inside myself to realize it, and let go of the "ideal" actor, musician, democrat guy I was holding onto. Those are great things to have in common. But they are also superficial in the grand scheme of things. It's far more important to find the person who loves you so much that they desire what you desire. They support you in your dreams. At least that is the man of my dreams.

The Secret

Do you know The Secret????


I do. I have been experiencing it and doing my best to live by it for about ten years. Half of my life I had no clue I was doing it. Sometimes my uncanny ability to know exactly what was going to happen to me next was slightly unnerving. At times I thought perhaps I had a little sixth sense thing going.

Once I started reading up on it I was surprised they even called it a secret. I mean, I figured it out with the help of many different popular speakers and authors so how secret could it be? Every time I studied any great philosophical thinker I noticed they all seemed to believe in it. From Socrates to DaVinci to Newton to Edison to Enstein to Carnegie...well you get the idea. ALL of the biggies. Quite an amazing group of people who agreed on one key theory- the law of attraction.

For those of you who have not heard of it, The Secret is a new book and DVD by a woman in Australia who was drawn to research the key common element of every great philosophical teacher in history. They all had in common one key idea, whether they related it to God or physics. She also has included many new age gurus in the book, who have been writing about the law of attraction for the past twenty years.

This is Conversations with God , When God Winks, and One Day My Soul Just Opened Up stuff. The main difference in The Secret book and DVD is now many of these or similar authors have all come together in one package. And it is picking up marketing momentum much faster than the other authors and teachers did by themselves.

Before I go further I will say that I believe there are a few faults with The Secret. For instance I do not believe people co-create every tragedy or trauma in their lives, though they could attract a downward spiral from that tragedy depending on how they handle it. If people did bring every experience into reality that they focused their attention on, then I know quite a few who's children would have been "lying in a gutter somewhere" a million times by now. I feel this attitude brings way too much grief and guilt to any parent who has lost a child.

Secondly, I don't believe that The Secret was all that secret. The author herself found out about it by reading a book published in 1910. And many great teachers like Socrates, Buddha, etc shared this philosophy in one form or another with all their students. Critics have complained that there are many statements in the book and DVD (which I haven't seen yet) that are not backed up with historical fact. Such as claiming that there was a group of rich and famous men who buried the secret to keep it to themselves and that "the church" found out about it and banned it at one point. I haven't done my research on that, but some of it does sound a little on the sensationalized side.

Lastly, the declaration that any philosophy is an "absolute truth" I cannot support. I believe there is only one absolute truth... that we will never be able on this earth to know an absolute truth.

All that being said there is a lot of good that can be accomplished by using the law of attractioin. Using positivity to affect one's life and one's ability to find happiness is an exceptionally empowering tool, as is taking responsiblity for your own happiness. So overall I do support The Secret's main messages. Your thoughts are the most powerful energy you possess in life and like attracts like. Therefore you better be thinking happy thoughts as much as possible!

I first saw The Secret and it's panel of teachers on Oprah along with millions of other people who all rushed out to buy it. It intriqued me. Imagine a book that summed the secret of happiness in about 180 pages of quotes, bullets, and outlines. It has mass appeal for several reasons. First of all the name. "If you want to get someone's attention...whisper." Such amazing wisdom from a 30 second commercial. (Although I did a search online and it must not have been a good commercial. Every site that quoted it couldn't name the product.) So the law of attraction applies to whispering secrets- hence the reason the name was chosen. We all like a secret and we all like to keep it to ourselves. The other highly intriquing aspect of the book is the cover. It looks right out of the Divinci Code. So we WANT to read what's inside. And lastly, unlike the other books I mentioned before it is a very quick read. Hopefully it will help those with less time and patience get in on the message and start attracting wonderful lives to themselves. But I wonder...

It seems that these things can't be taught to people who aren't in the right place to hear or learn. Some will get hung up on religious bias. One woman struggled on the Oprah show with it being "unchristian." Being a Unitarian Universalist I don't have that struggle, and I believe many other religions including Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and so on can incorporate co-creation without it challenging their faith or belief system. But I can also understand how someone telling you that you can have a say in co-creating your life with a divine being is contradictory to what many churches have preached. So that will make some people uncomfortable with something that challenges God having sole control of their destiny.

So what IS The Secret? For those of you who missed it on Oprah and don't want to shell out the 20 some bucks for the book or 30 some bucks for the DVD, in a nut shell The Secret is this:


The universe operates on the law of attraction. What you believe, think, live- you attract. Thoughts are actually units of energy and very powerful. If you feel you deserve to be happy and live it then you will be. If you don't... well you won't. If you are so tired of waiting for something good in life to happen that waiting for it is all you focus on...then you will attract more waiting. If you can identify what you are "waiting for" and instead focus on "having it" then you soon will.


And it works.

To be continued...

Free Hugs

Free Hugs * I took the video off but you can still access it bandcodes.com. It was time to update the blog music. I'll try to find a direct link later.


My sister forwarded this video to me from another blog called 37 Days. I wanted to share it with all of you. As quoted on 37 Days, "We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth..." (~Virginia Satir)

I myself get plenty of hugs from my husband and three older kids. Not to mention that I'm definitely in the "for growth" category from the million hugs I give to and get from Anna a day. But I will never forget those sub-survival hugless five and a half years pre-Rick, Adri and Anna. At times I'd have to wait a whole week for some good old fashioned running- jumping- wrap- around hugs from Tanner and Noah. I will never take the superabundant hugs I am now blessed with for granted.

For those of you running shy of survival levels, here's at least one in the cyber form. The rest I'll hit ya with when next we meet :)

Z

Ahh..... stay at home motherhood.

Well...

I haven't slept a full night in months (and not more than 2 hours at a time in 3 weeks.) My Christmas tree is still staring at me. My house finally sold, but I'm still not supposed to be lifting more than Anna so I can't get the rest of my stuff out yet. Then there's the question of where to put it.

Thank God it sold though as I just got a horrendous gas bill (strangely enough HIGHER than the 2200 sqare foot home that we've kept around 70 degrees F all winter- Manor is 1048 sq ft and the thermostat's been at 60 degrees F all winter.) $323 bucks for the last two weeks in Dec and the first two in Jan. AND... half the time it's been 50 degrees F outside. I have a feeling the gas co is over charging me. Great. Now I need to call for that.

I wish I would feel like writing. I mean REALLY writing something funny, witty, profound, silly...etc. I just don't. Sad and introspective I can do. But did that already this week with the goodbye to my house post.

I guess it will come. As I told my friend Design Goddess this morning at 4 am, creativity comes easier with sleep. Off to curl up with Anna and attempt to obtain some :)

Z

Magna Cum Laude

Grades are posted!

Two A's in Jazz History and Stratford Program (a trip to Ontario through Kent to see Shakespeare Festival plays- highly reccomended!) and...

B in Theatre History!

Whew... done... graduate tomorrow.

Now I'm focusing on baby thank-you's, graduation announcements, Christmas cards and shopping--almost done with all of those! What will everyone think when I acutally accomplish these sort of tasks that always came second (or last.... if at all) due to school?

My husband and I bought something for US for Christmas. The kids (whom all have multiple electronic games, including each their own gameboys which only the 8 year old plays anymore) have been bugging us for a TV electronic game set. We have been saying no because we know that it will just mean more arguments between them.

So my husband saw an add at Target for the retro Atari flashback game for only $24.99, and we devised a plan. I am giving it to my husband for Christmas, and then he will share it with the rest of us :) That way when there is arguing and complaining between the kids, one of us can say, "That's Rick's (h) toy! Put it away!

We're doing the same with a 40 dollar kareoke machine from Walmart (his gift to me and then I will share.)

Plus we figure the atari games, which are nostalgic to us so we'll like them, will be too boring for them to bother with. Ha ha ha .... the parents win again.

Although, I'm pretty proud of my 11 year old son. We told all the kids (whom are spending Christmas with their other parents this year) that we were on a budget, and that means they can each ask for 4 or 5 inexpensive things here, and we will do our best. My step-daughter (who was an only child and the only thing tying her parents together for many many years) is not used to not getting whatever she wants for the holidays and her birthday. She will likely be showered materialistically over at her mom's. She had a hard time narrowing down her list and keeps revising it.

My youngest son asked for 4 things exactly, telling his step-sister, "Your dad and my mom need to buy things for the BABY right now! It's important that we make this sacrifice!"

Gush...

Then my oldest son NEVER gave me a list. When I asked him about it he said, "I don't NEED anything. You guys get me the things I need throughout the year. So maybe just a robe and slippers this year."

I did prod a few more things out of him. But wow. He really gets it. His brother did too. I couldn't be more proud.

Oh- and the Ohio Light Opera Company is working with his middle school (which is an arts school he auditioned for and got into this year) to present The Barber of Seville in Feb. He didn't think he got in, and insisted it was ok... he didn't care about it anyway, etc. But he called me from his dad's and he's in (no parts assigned yet.) I don't care if it's just the chorus, what an opportunity! I grew up in theatre, but opera always intimidated me because I never had the chance to experience it. He was simply BEAMING over the phone.

Luckily my ex, his wife and I get along well, and he has offered (or rather she offered FOR him!) to do most of the picking up after his rehearsals, because I will have a newborn in tow everywhere I go, plus due to C-section won't be able to drive for 3 weeks. I can't wait to see the show in Feb!

Well off to finsish all these cards.

Punderson Writers Retreat

Punderson Writers' Retreat April 05