Friday, March 03, 2006
Disclaimer... the men will likely not get this post at all. Gareth that's for you :)
Oh- and for my hubby, who will read it anyway. He's cool like that. (And now he has too since I complimented him ;)
Here we go...
I have been here before...
I never thought in a million years I'd be here again...
It's not that I'm huge. I know it. But weight is a struggle for me, and has been ever since I first put on fifteen unwanted pounds in my first marriage. I fought those fifteen off (and on) until my first pregnancy. Then fifteen pre became 30 post. I lost it rather quickly that time (I was a sahm then too) by going through a good weightloss program through my local hospital, and working out like a fiend. (For me that means 4 or 5 times a week.) I was down to my pre-pregnant weight by the time my son was 4 months old, and down to my pre-marriage weight by the time he was ten months. I managed to stay there until I returned to work when he was 18 months. Then I drifted back up to my pre-pregnant weight plus 5 lbs just time to get pregnant with my second. At my six week appointment after having him I was pleased to find I had only fifteen to go to prepregnant weight again. I could lick this in no time!
We were so stressed that time. My father-in-law was dying of cancer, my (now ex) husband was the only sibling involved in his care (his other siblings were not his father's bio kids.) Also my marriage was faltering (had been after kid one, but marriage counseling put a nice big bandaid on it for a few more years.) I also fell inexplicably ill for about a year which made working out impossible. So I kept the extra weight on for about 18 months that time. That is until I announced I was leaving my husband. As soon as that decision was made weight poured off of me effortlessly. Though that's not uncommon for me in the past if I was upset with a breakup, this time I was actually happily breaking up, starting a wonderful new life, AND losing weight. Yea!!!!
Then I lost too much. I was eating a ton too- whatever I wanted (just ask DG- this didn't make me very popular in the lunch room at work.) I went on like that until my GYN incidentally discovered at a yearly physical that my thyroid was enlarged. He ordered bloodwork. My TSH (tyroid stimulating hormone) was .01- that's point zero one. It's supposed to be 0.4- 6.0. So it was pretty much non-existent because my brain stopped producing it due to my thyroid overstimulating it's own silly self. And so I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. I could eat anything and weight would not come on. Now most women would think, "Wow!!!! Where do I sign?????" However, this disease effects the body kinda like anorexia. Even though I was eating, my metabolism was so high that my body was dipping into storage areas that are bad ones, like muscles. And you know, your HEART??? It's a muscle too. So it can be full of complications including the ultimate one- heart failure.
I started medicine, and through a 3 year course of treatment (and a wonderful relationship with my now husband) it FINALLY calmed to the point where I could go off my med. I put on fifteen pounds (which of course I didn't WANT to do.) We were still tracking my progress when I became pregnant (which can and did exacerbate my thyroid disease.) Therefore initially I didn't put on any weight with my pregnancy with Anna. Eventually I was regulated and I made up for that initial lag by putting on 35 pounds. So...
I have Anna and lose about 20 instantly (well in the first few weeks.) That's deceiving because it's all water and baby weight. There was no effort to the loss. Nursing helps burn some calories, but when you're nursing you're famished just like being pregnant. And MORE tired from lack of sleep due to infant wailing at you all night long. So you eat...chocolate. My downfall.
This likely contributes to infant irritability too via breastmilk. It's caffeine. It causes them to have gas too. Yea. Another vise you have to curb. I can't. I'm addicted. I'm a bad mom....sobb...eat chocolate....sobb.
Ok...time to get to work on my weight. Six weeks post OB visit had 20 lbs to go to pre-pregnant weight, and another fifteen to go to fabulous pre-husband weight (see avatar caricature- DG can attest to that pretty much being me for the first 6 of the 8 years she's known me.- well...except I wasn't in a cartoon wearing a white dress standing on the red carpet outside of the academy awards :) THIRTY-FIVE lbs...EEK. Starting to feel (and sound) like Bridget Jones. If only I had some of Renee's resolve. Just some (she looks oddly thin now.) But no...I am Bridget for sure.
But I refuse to wear "Granny Knickers" .
I will be sleek, slender, and (as one younger man-friend dubbed me during my singlehood) "Stacy's Mom" once more!
I buy a new Step which is my favorite work out aid cause it really kicks butt! Literally! And I dust off my old friend Tami Lee Webb. Her Buns of Steel work out is terribly outdated, but it works and I have it memorized to the point where I can think about other things instead of working out. And I hate thinking about working out.
I also have inline skates that were a birthday present from my husband last year (for both of us to do together.) I never got to because I was studying for finals for the two weeks following my birthday, and then found out I was pregnant with Anna. You might find this surprising, but inline skating is not recommended for pregnant women! So I didn't get to learn. The plus side is that as soon as the weather breaks I can learn how to inline skate with a stroller to help balance me!!!!
I started working out last week. I did it three whole times :) My orders for Winsor Pilates and Yoga Booty Ballet arrived and I attempted the latter. Big mistake. I was so sore I could not work out for several days (even my heels and palms were sore from the yoga!) Then it occurs to me. I am SOOOOOOO outta shape!
This week it was back to the tried and true Tami Lee Webb. I have managed two work outs thus far, and my third will be tomorrow. I have committed to at least 3 a week. I have to build up to this (my aggressive working out is what contributed to my health problems after my second son and I don't want to go through that again.)
My thyroid continues to be stable on very little med too. (Darn it anyway- like all of you I wouldn't complain if it just went whacky for a month or so til the weight came off even though I know that's unhealthy thinking.)
Please send me tons of compliments, encouragement and online (or off if I see you) support. Because since I've started working out...
I've GAINED FIVE POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!
Part of it's my midnight, breakfast, pre and post work out m and m's. And let us not forget the fact that I'm thirty seven (almost eight) this time. Did I mention this is my THIRD (and final - whew!) C- Section?????
Oh- AND Part of it MAY in fact be the muscle (weighs more than fat) that my adoring husband believes he already sees in my "if I didn't know you I would never think you just had a baby two months ago" body. That's a quote from him last night as I was making a rather healthy dinner, with unhealthy brownies for dessert. Ummmm honey...if you didn't know me I wouldn't likely have HAD a baby only two months ago!!!!)
Thank you all for your attention regarding this matter. I will (unfortunately for you) likely blog on this subject a few more times before the fight is over.
That is all.
I shall return to finishing off the bag of Easter egg colored peanut butter M and M's which are my largest vice- why did they ever invent them to torment me anyway?????