Thursday, January 26, 2006

Jennifer Needs/Jennifer Wants

Here's a fun internet party game. In google, put "(your name) needs" and see what pops up.
Inspired by another blog, I decided to try this also with "wants" to see if it was any more interesting. I had to use my real name because Zen (for obvious spiritually based reasons) has risen above wants and needs in her quest for enlightenment! Here are the results for each. Interestingly, there are far more wants than needs. Go figure.

Enjoy, and share your own if you are so inclined to try it!


Jennifer needs:

Jennifer needs a cold shower
Jennifer needs a smack daddy
Jennifer needs time to heal
Jennifer needs to do five things
Jennifer needs prayers
Jennifer needs space
Jennifer needs to keep improving
Jennifer needs to get away
Jennifer needs the earth energy
Jennifer needs help
Jennifer needs heavy visual depiction of her subject
Jennifer needs to be punished
Jennifer needs to be in a mental health facility
Jennifer needs extra time to complete assigned tasks
Jennifer needs to be made comfortable with the tension and conflicts
Jennifer needs an adviser with exceptional listening skills
Jennifer needs to take some advice from Paris Hilton

Jennifer wants:
Jennifer wants to have my baby
Jennifer wants to make sure the family earns enough money
Jennifer wants to get into the Betty Ford Clinic so that she can meet a rich drunk
Jennifer wants to improve her game
Jennifer wants to know why you started to write about animals
Jennifer wants to take some of her savings and invest in a mutual fund
Jennifer wants saucier roles
jennifer wants a couple of children
Jennifer wants a career
Jennifer wants to put their pet toad in a potion
Jennifer wants to do 26 things
Jennifer wants to do 36 things.
Jennifer wants to use that song
jennifer wants some taco-flavored keeses
Jennifer wants to focus on her career
Jennifer wants Luke
Jennifer wants to show the big boys that they will still have fun if they play with her
Jennifer wants to cook spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, and she wants to make banana splits for dessert
Jennifer wants most in life is to raise her children to grow up and becontent with themselves
Jennifer wants to wear real fut that is her business
Jennifer wants to be a professional artist
Jennifer wants to wants to get back in the studio
Jennifer wants to finish school and go to a good college
Jennifer wants to go out that night
Jennifer wants that to change
Jennifer wants to name here child Violet
Jennifer wants “to help people.”
Jennifer wants to drop out of school and cancel her loan
Jennifer wants to give us a new album with her latest material on it
Jennifer Wants Brad's Baby
Jennifer wants to know
Jennifer wants to work and put her clerical skills to use
Jennifer wants to take this terrible story and turn it into something wonderful
Jennifer wants to access her images any time any where
Jennifer Wants to play the Spanish Guitar.
Jennifer wants Laura killed as Luke's wedding present to her
Jennifer" wants to stay awhile
Jennifer wants to be sexually active with Frankie
Jennifer wants to be a teacher when she grows up!
Jennifer wants to look good but cares less about what's under the hood
Jennifer wants to reveal the malefic spirit's plans to better fight him
Jennifer wants to produce and report national news at one of the major networksafter graduation.
Jennifer wants to further her education by studying communication or counseling in graduate school
Jennifer wants personal coverage in case she becomes unable to work due to illness or injury.
Jennifer wants another shot at recognition as a singer
Jennifer wants hip
Jennifer wants to squeeze a bathtub
Jennifer wants to show a power point
Jennifer wants to belong to just one man
Jennifer wants to play the classy card
Jennifer wants Kaysar to understand
Jennifer wants a ten year plan
Jennifer wants her boys to play with
Jennifer wants to kiss and make up

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Happy Most Depressing Day Of The Year Day!!!!

January 24th is the most depressing day of the year. It's true. They said so on Good Morning America. According to statistics everyone is depressed this day every year. The holidays are over, taxes need filed, Holiday bills are showing up at your door. That's why you should be depressed today. So just in case you woke up feeling happy (the fact that it's sunny and in headed toward the 40's this morning made me smile) STOP IT! Get with the spirit of the day and get depressed!!!!!

What an interesting way to start out your day. Just you, a cup of coffee and the ever-enthusiastic-about- anything-Good Morning America team telling you to get good and depressed. They reiterated about 6 times in the 10 minutes I watched it. Then they would say, "Not that we WANT anyone to get depressed if they were already in a good mood!" Wonder how they did in the ratings.

So break out your best black outfit and dress like you're on your way to a wake. Because that's what January 24th is all about. (Hmmm..... that's the attire I used to reserve for Valentine's Day before I met my husband. Glad I saved it!)

Happy Depressing Day everyone!


Saturday, January 21, 2006

Shhhhhhhh....Anna's Sleeping

Last night we slept...

Anna and I...inbetween feedings :) I have had to relegate myself to the living room couch again (spent most of my pregnancy sleeping there due to terrible heartburn and reflux. ) I miss sleeping in the same bed as my husband. We were still in the honeymoon phase when I got pregnant after all (only a month after we were married.) But he gets up at 4:30 26 out of 30 days a month to go work 12 hours at least. So I really want him to be able to sleep. On one of his 4 days off this month he stayed up with Anna for the first shift. He did so last night from 8:30 til 10:30 so I could sleep since I hadn't had more than 6 hours total out of the previous 3 nights. I got up at 10:30 to feed her thinking we'd be up the rest of the night. But miracles of miracles... she went back to sleep. She did so again at 1:30 and 5:30! AND... at 7:30 she started to wake up, so I got up and made some decaf coffee and had breakfast. Then... she went back to sleep without getting up at all! Of course then I was wide awake and couldn't go back to sleep. But I'll take the quiet time. Ran the dishwasher and did 2 loads of laundry! Whoooooweee!

She is stirring now, so I will go get her up before she gets too upset. Gotta reward her for all that night time peace! Plus that diaper should be pretty scary now :)


Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Ahh..... stay at home motherhood.


I haven't slept a full night in months (and not more than 2 hours at a time in 3 weeks.) My Christmas tree is still staring at me. My house finally sold, but I'm still not supposed to be lifting more than Anna so I can't get the rest of my stuff out yet. Then there's the question of where to put it.

Thank God it sold though as I just got a horrendous gas bill (strangely enough HIGHER than the 2200 sqare foot home that we've kept around 70 degrees F all winter- Manor is 1048 sq ft and the thermostat's been at 60 degrees F all winter.) $323 bucks for the last two weeks in Dec and the first two in Jan. AND... half the time it's been 50 degrees F outside. I have a feeling the gas co is over charging me. Great. Now I need to call for that.

I wish I would feel like writing. I mean REALLY writing something funny, witty, profound, silly...etc. I just don't. Sad and introspective I can do. But did that already this week with the goodbye to my house post.

I guess it will come. As I told my friend Design Goddess this morning at 4 am, creativity comes easier with sleep. Off to curl up with Anna and attempt to obtain some :)


Monday, January 16, 2006

Manor House's selling. My little house. My safe haven of 10 plus years. I'm starting to feel a little like Noah (my 8 year old son, who is very sad we're selling) does about her. Though now that my husband has set up the rec- or is that "wreck!" room up with 3 different TV, movie, and game stations for the kids...Noah's missing Manor (so named for the street it stands on) a lot less!

I hope the new owner is nice to her. It's a guy leaving for Iraq. I'm assuming he has a wife or girlfriend that he wants set up in the house before he goes, because they're rushing us on closing (Jan 31st.) But his is the only name on the contract so I'm not sure. She is NOT a single man's house for cryin' out loud. I don't think she'd like to have a bachelor there!

Oh.. well... a house is just a place. As cliche as it is, it's the people that make it home. And she's been empty for almost 2 full years. It's time she gets to feel like a home again to someone. Funny... she sat empty for about that long before my ex husband and I bought her too. Maybe it's her Karma!

I asked my good friend (Design Goddess as a matter of fact) to help me hold a little vigil there within the next week to mourn Manor's moving on :)

Fitting I suppose, that she waited to sell until now that Anna is here. Manor is where I brought home my other two babies from the hospital. That's where I rocked them to sleep (if I was lucky!) and sang them songs. Where I took them for walks around the neighborhood's wide tree lined streets...where they learned to ride their bikes, and rid themselves of training wheels. It's where they first felt like they were at home. None of us feel that way about this house yet. I think it bothers my husband that I still say "my house" and "your house". It's not simply feels that way.

Anna will help I think. She cements us as a family. Full circle. I never imagined I'd have another baby for sure. Yet miraculously here she is- (loudly!) demanding I pull out skills I had forgotten I ever possessed. And I am smitten (even when she's screaming.... but mostly when she's curled into my arms sleeping.) And I know that I will settle in here eventually... especially now that I have her ....and we will develope our own rhthym with each other.

Now to make this place my home. Still have to re-paint and tear down wallpaper here. Just didn't have time with school, Manor, kids, work, wedding, pregnancy, etc...This place still has the previous owner's (tacky) decor in most of it and what is changed has bad ex-wife karma. I think the best part of this house is the back yard. It's huge, with woods lining the back (that are protected between what we own and the owner on the other side so they'll always be here.) Sitting at the kitchen table and seeing those woods change each season... that's the part of this house that makes me feel at home.

Now that Manor will stop draining us financially, we will be able to purchase the mini van that was put on hold until the house sold... and here's something interesting. My husband has decided to keep my Jeep (the only vehicle I ever purchased on my own) as his car. It needs some work done and he has two year old Xterra, but wants to keep us at one car payment. He also has a beater pick-up truck, but the Jeep will get better mileage. So we'll trade in his two for a minvan for me and the kids. Strange...all my possessions that represented my single independent self are no longer mine. Like I said, full circle. Here I am wife, mother, and homemaker once more. When only two short years ago I was a single mother working full time and putting myself through college.

Well at least this time I have a giving, nurturing man in my life who is completely supportive. He wants to know when I want to get back into theatre (he works 12-14 hours a day 26 out of 30 days of the month! I've told him he does NOT want me to jump back into theatre quite yet!)

But I guess it is time to start writing one of those many books that have been stored in my head for years now!


Friday, January 06, 2006

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

It's official...

I am in love.

Anna Elizabeth was born Tues, December 27th, 2005 at 2:20 pm. She weighed in at 7 lbs 11 oz (12 days early- eek! Woulda been over 8 lbs like my sons were if I would have decided to wait it out.)

She is beautiful. I am smitten. The long, stressful, high risk pregnancy was worth it all. Even enduring a c-section and having my anesthesia not take full effect was worth it (they had to knock me out after she was born for the rest of the surgery.)

The sleepless nights that have only just begun are worth it.
My wish is for every baby to know such love... my whole family has enveloped her in it.

Ok, that's enough gushing. I'll be too busy to write much for a while. But I'm sure it will be baby obsessed babble, and only one person had read any of this thus far anyway :)

Hope all had a safe and happy New Year.