The Secret continued...Like Attracts Like

This is how the law of attraction has played an important part in my happiness. (For those of you just tuning in, you may want to go back and read the previous post.)

In 2004 I made up my mind to stop waiting for the person I would spend my life with. I surrendered the thought that I knew who that was or what kind of man it was. I asked for God to bring the person I was intended to be happy with into my life. I made a vow that even if I thought he wasn't the right person I would be open minded and allow it to happen. The next day I started my search.

And I found him.

Wiithin 3 weeks of looking.

I didn't recognize him at first because I was held up on all the usual things. He was an Army officer teaching ROTC and had graduated from West Point. I was a theatre major at Kent State University. He lived "don't ask don't tell" for 12 years of his life. Some of my best friends are gay. He was captain of his sprint football team and later coached it at West Point. I have not been involved in a sport since I was in sixth grade and my life is in the theatre. Surely we would have nothing in common.

Except...within a few weeks of dating I started to realize some things.

We love people the same way.
We love the blues, jazz and the big crooners.
We parent the same way.
We love to go on road trips to interesting places.
We strike up conversations with complete strangers...sometimes just in the line at the grocery store.

We come from large, very tight families and we talk to one or more of them several times a week.

We both tend to vote for our respective political parties unless we feel there is a better candidate. As a matter of fact we argue about politics less than I did with some of the most liberal men in my life.

We are both religiously open minded. Though he had never heard of it, he embraced my UUism in an amazing way. And his presence at my church has helped bridge the gap that has always existed between liberal religious and conservative political thinkers.

We also discovered rather quickly we have a dream in common. We both want to run our own coaching bussiness. His with leadership in youth and business. Mine with spirituality and relationships.

But was he who I had asked for? The question lurked in my mind along with a concerted effort to figure out the answer.

Then, when we were only dating a few weeks he asked what I wanted to do after I graduated from Kent. I answered by saying, "Well... I miss being a stay at home mom. I gave that up when I got divorced. But if I am still alone I will go on for an MA so I can teach in a state college. That will in turn allow my kids an education." I went on about a few more goals, but I always came back to missing my stay at home momness. Finally he said, "Would you rather stay at home with your kids while they're growing up?" I paused. I was weighing out whether or not my answer was "right." Would this hard working goal oriented guy want someone who wasn't concerned about making money?

But finally I shyly said, "Yes. I miss it terribly." And he replied, "I think that's an awesome quality. I mean, work if you wish but I would totally support staying at home with kids."

Wow. A man who would support me. No matter where life was calling me. And then I realized I had never really had that. Someone asking sincerely, "What do you want to do?"

So... I did in fact attract the man of my dreams into my life. I just had to go deeper inside myself to realize it, and let go of the "ideal" actor, musician, democrat guy I was holding onto. Those are great things to have in common. But they are also superficial in the grand scheme of things. It's far more important to find the person who loves you so much that they desire what you desire. They support you in your dreams. At least that is the man of my dreams.