For all who need a smile

Enjoy...

Happy Anniversary to Us

It was one year ago today that I married my best friend. For those of you who have yet to find that person, don't give up. Sometimes you find them where you'd least expect them to be. And then you know why you waited all that time.


I never imagined this Kent State grad liberal democrat actor writer UU









would find and marry a West Point grad conservative republican Army Major football coach Catholic!









But then again...neither did he :)
And we did ....and it works.

Here's the lyrics to the song we are dancing to in the picture. Couldn't find it to play it - darn it anyway!

More...than the greatest love the world has known
This is the love I'll give to you alone
More than the simple words I've tried to say
I'll only live to love you more each day
More than you'll ever know
My arms long to hold you so
My life will be in your keeping... waking... sleeping... laughing...weeping

Longer than always is a long, long time
But far beyond forever you'll be mine
I know I've never lived before
and my heart is very sure
no one else could love you more

Tonight Grandma's babysitting and we're having our first date since before Anna was born :)

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Anna has not slept more than 2-3 hours a night for the past three...

Even though I'm up on the computer, I am not up to posting anything coherent. Please forgive. I'll be back to creative venutures after I get a night or so of 4 or more hours sleep.

Hope everyone else is doing swell.

Peace, love, and sleep.

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A Gay Time at the Oscars

Tonight is one of my favorite nights. Growing up in theatre I always aspired to be at the Oscars

... not as a Best Actress or even Best Supporting Actress nominee, not as a presenter (actually I would HATE that one!) But as a ....

seat filler.

Can you imagine? Get all gussied up and get paid to sit in someone famous's seat, likely next to someone else famous! Now that's a job. And you aren't stuck by the same famous person all night, oh no! You get to switch when your famous person comes back to claim their seat to some other famous person who needed to use the loo...I mean from claiming their Oscar. Then you might even crash an Oscar party or two.

Oh... Ok...so I also had my Best Actress fantasies... and my speech all thought up. (Hence my lovely Avatar self on the red carpet down and to your right.) But I outgrew the desire to be famous. Well actually "outgrew" may be a little misleading.

Thanks to a book called Toxic Fame, I developed a healthy fear of stalkers combined with an aversion to total loss of anonymity (not to mention my already well established phobias of both flying and earthquakes) which allowed me to give up on moving to Hollywood to join the circus. Therefore celebrating Oscar in the company of the privilaged few is a dream forever unfulfilled. Well...I could still be a seat filler. I doubt THEY have stalkers, I could take a bus, and what are the chances the Earth would quake on Oscar night...



unless it involved metaphoric quaking due to my finally hookin' up with George Clooney. But I digress. (Side note to husband: Sorry honey. You know it's just a harmless fantasy, right?)




A few years ago I found another coveted Oscar invite right here in my own home town, in my own crowd of theatre friends. I was invited to and attended my first....Gay Oscar party. Ok it wasn't totally gay, because I was there. But I was about it representing the strait community. And I gotta tell ya... You have not experienced the Oscars til you are at a gay man's affair. The food..the wine..the company...the decor. The PRE SHOW!

Forget E or Entertainment tonight's preshow. Forget the Rivers clan, B-listed Kathy Griffin and Cojo. Even forget Issac molesting actresses on the way in. They have nothing on... sitting among your own room full of gay men commenting on the fashions and "man" candy on their way in. The first year I attended was the year Bjork was nominated. She showed up on the red carpet wearing that dead swan wrapped around her.



And one of the men shouted, "Hey Look! It's 'Berserk!'"








I found out that year something that you would think I would have known already being a theatre "hag" from the time I was 5 (well the theatre part that is, the hag part came in High School.) I learned that the Oscars are the Gay man's Superbowl. There is a contest for favorite hors d'oeuvres brought by the guests, favorite alcoholic beverage, favorite desert. There is a betting sheet and a five dollar ante (I did not bet because I knew these guys would rake me over the coals.) And the red carpet show?



"Did you SEE Halle Berry's dress???? Oh my GOOOOOODDDD! She is absolutely GEORGOUS in that BURGUNDY netting with a SHOWERING BOUQUET of flowers and TAFETA TRAIN !!!" Now... you know...no strait man is going to use those terms in a sentence. EVER.

And this year? No party :( I just got an email from my friend and he said it was just he and his partner for a quiet night of Oscar viewing. What a sad day for Oscar. I would love to have been part of the celebration when Brokeback Mountain wins!!!

I did however find out his secret to the sucessful parties of years gone by. Those gay men have their own Oscar 'how to' site!) I'm gonna take notes from there for my Oscar party next year!!!!

Z

Baby Fat

Disclaimer... the men will likely not get this post at all. Gareth that's for you :)

Oh- and for my hubby, who will read it anyway. He's cool like that. (And now he has too since I complimented him ;)

Here we go...
I have been here before...
I never thought in a million years I'd be here again...
I am...
Post-pregnantly...

Fat.







Ugh.

It's not that I'm huge. I know it. But weight is a struggle for me, and has been ever since I first put on fifteen unwanted pounds in my first marriage. I fought those fifteen off (and on) until my first pregnancy. Then fifteen pre became 30 post. I lost it rather quickly that time (I was a sahm then too) by going through a good weightloss program through my local hospital, and working out like a fiend. (For me that means 4 or 5 times a week.) I was down to my pre-pregnant weight by the time my son was 4 months old, and down to my pre-marriage weight by the time he was ten months. I managed to stay there until I returned to work when he was 18 months. Then I drifted back up to my pre-pregnant weight plus 5 lbs just time to get pregnant with my second. At my six week appointment after having him I was pleased to find I had only fifteen to go to prepregnant weight again. I could lick this in no time!

Ha.

We were so stressed that time. My father-in-law was dying of cancer, my (now ex) husband was the only sibling involved in his care (his other siblings were not his father's bio kids.) Also my marriage was faltering (had been after kid one, but marriage counseling put a nice big bandaid on it for a few more years.) I also fell inexplicably ill for about a year which made working out impossible. So I kept the extra weight on for about 18 months that time. That is until I announced I was leaving my husband. As soon as that decision was made weight poured off of me effortlessly. Though that's not uncommon for me in the past if I was upset with a breakup, this time I was actually happily breaking up, starting a wonderful new life, AND losing weight. Yea!!!!

Then I lost too much. I was eating a ton too- whatever I wanted (just ask DG- this didn't make me very popular in the lunch room at work.) I went on like that until my GYN incidentally discovered at a yearly physical that my thyroid was enlarged. He ordered bloodwork. My TSH (tyroid stimulating hormone) was .01- that's point zero one. It's supposed to be 0.4- 6.0. So it was pretty much non-existent because my brain stopped producing it due to my thyroid overstimulating it's own silly self. And so I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. I could eat anything and weight would not come on. Now most women would think, "Wow!!!! Where do I sign?????" However, this disease effects the body kinda like anorexia. Even though I was eating, my metabolism was so high that my body was dipping into storage areas that are bad ones, like muscles. And you know, your HEART??? It's a muscle too. So it can be full of complications including the ultimate one- heart failure.

I started medicine, and through a 3 year course of treatment (and a wonderful relationship with my now husband) it FINALLY calmed to the point where I could go off my med. I put on fifteen pounds (which of course I didn't WANT to do.) We were still tracking my progress when I became pregnant (which can and did exacerbate my thyroid disease.) Therefore initially I didn't put on any weight with my pregnancy with Anna. Eventually I was regulated and I made up for that initial lag by putting on 35 pounds. So...

I have Anna and lose about 20 instantly (well in the first few weeks.) That's deceiving because it's all water and baby weight. There was no effort to the loss. Nursing helps burn some calories, but when you're nursing you're famished just like being pregnant. And MORE tired from lack of sleep due to infant wailing at you all night long. So you eat...chocolate. My downfall.

This likely contributes to infant irritability too via breastmilk. It's caffeine. It causes them to have gas too. Yea. Another vise you have to curb. I can't. I'm addicted. I'm a bad mom....sobb...eat chocolate....sobb.

Ok...time to get to work on my weight. Six weeks post OB visit had 20 lbs to go to pre-pregnant weight, and another fifteen to go to fabulous pre-husband weight (see avatar caricature- DG can attest to that pretty much being me for the first 6 of the 8 years she's known me.- well...except I wasn't in a cartoon wearing a white dress standing on the red carpet outside of the academy awards :) THIRTY-FIVE lbs...EEK. Starting to feel (and sound) like Bridget Jones. If only I had some of Renee's resolve. Just some (she looks oddly thin now.) But no...I am Bridget for sure.




But I refuse to wear "Granny Knickers" .




I will be sleek, slender, and (as one younger man-friend dubbed me during my singlehood) "Stacy's Mom" once more!

I buy a new Step which is my favorite work out aid cause it really kicks butt! Literally! And I dust off my old friend Tami Lee Webb. Her Buns of Steel work out is terribly outdated, but it works and I have it memorized to the point where I can think about other things instead of working out. And I hate thinking about working out.

I also have inline skates that were a birthday present from my husband last year (for both of us to do together.) I never got to because I was studying for finals for the two weeks following my birthday, and then found out I was pregnant with Anna. You might find this surprising, but inline skating is not recommended for pregnant women! So I didn't get to learn. The plus side is that as soon as the weather breaks I can learn how to inline skate with a stroller to help balance me!!!!

I started working out last week. I did it three whole times :) My orders for Winsor Pilates and Yoga Booty Ballet arrived and I attempted the latter. Big mistake. I was so sore I could not work out for several days (even my heels and palms were sore from the yoga!) Then it occurs to me. I am SOOOOOOO outta shape!

This week it was back to the tried and true Tami Lee Webb. I have managed two work outs thus far, and my third will be tomorrow. I have committed to at least 3 a week. I have to build up to this (my aggressive working out is what contributed to my health problems after my second son and I don't want to go through that again.)

My thyroid continues to be stable on very little med too. (Darn it anyway- like all of you I wouldn't complain if it just went whacky for a month or so til the weight came off even though I know that's unhealthy thinking.)

So...

Please send me tons of compliments, encouragement and online (or off if I see you) support. Because since I've started working out...

I've GAINED FIVE POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!









ARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Part of it's my midnight, breakfast, pre and post work out m and m's. And let us not forget the fact that I'm thirty seven (almost eight) this time. Did I mention this is my THIRD (and final - whew!) C- Section?????

Oh- AND Part of it MAY in fact be the muscle (weighs more than fat) that my adoring husband believes he already sees in my "if I didn't know you I would never think you just had a baby two months ago" body. That's a quote from him last night as I was making a rather healthy dinner, with unhealthy brownies for dessert. Ummmm honey...if you didn't know me I wouldn't likely have HAD a baby only two months ago!!!!)

Thank you all for your attention regarding this matter. I will (unfortunately for you) likely blog on this subject a few more times before the fight is over.

That is all.

I shall return to finishing off the bag of Easter egg colored peanut butter M and M's which are my largest vice- why did they ever invent them to torment me anyway?????


Z

Up all night....

Did anyone else see the Good Morning America segment last week called "Mommy Wars?" I find it amazing that in the year 2006 we are still debating exactly where a woman "belongs" (house or workplace.) A new article has come out from femi-nazi Linda Hirshman stating that educated women BELONG in the workplace. Actually she states there is an "alarming" trend in our country because educated women are now chosing to stay at home in record numbers. According to Hirshman these women are doing damage to their children as well as society by staying home, it will contribute to the decline of women's lib, and that universities should not GIVE degrees to women who plan to stay at home with their children. Like that last one in particular. Universities are GIVING degrees away????? Which ones???? Because darn it anyhow- I went and paid for and earned my degree!!!! If only I had known I could have one for free without doing any work! Geesh!

Anyway, here and there are articles regarding what was said on GMA, and this is Hirshman's original article that initiated the "fight." (DG thanks for the remedial html lesson! Are ya proud????)

It was excellent timing for me, as I had just posted my own SAHM thoughts on the blog. But after seeing the show, felt so disturbed by what this woman was saying, and how many people appear to agree with her, I was inspired...no DRIVEN to post on GMA's website FOUR times! Of course no one really reads all those, but it felt good. So here is what I posted. The second one from the bottom (which was the second one I wrote) should sound familiar, as I edited my post from here for the site.

And my thoughts on this topic as of today? I can't imagine having to go to work and be productive today since Anna got up and 1, 2, and 3am. By the last one I was too awake to go back to sleep at 5. Though she did of course! Now whom would I be benefitting by driving around, making important decisions, meeting with clients on about 3 hours of interupted sleep?

Shhhhhh...she's sleeping now so I'd better go and get some myself.If I have any blatant grammar/spelling errors please forgive -That's for DG ;)

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