Monday, May 02, 2011
After a year plus of the most difficult transition of my life, I am nearly free. I have debated time and time again what to do about the blogs of the past. This one, which is a highly painful dose of reality of all that is gone or never was to begin with, is going to remain because I have poured too much of myself and my children's history into it to let it go.
The new one however, "Positively Zen," I can't afford to keep. I started it in September of 2009 on Typepad for all the bells and whistles that site provides, and have been paying $15 bucks a month to sustain that one week or so of posts, because downgrading to a free blog would undo a lot of those fancy things that I went to Typepad for.
But today I finally downgraded it to free. Should have a long time ago and kept the $250 odd dollars just having it up there has cost me. But in all honesty? What's that amount compared to all else I have lost along the way.
It was very weird to go back and read how hard I was trying to be positive -totally unaware of the toxic situation about to surround and shatter my world both in my health and personal life.
So I didn't linger on it. As Becca says in Rabbit Hole- "Quick and painless- like a band-aid." Of course it's taken me nearly one and a half years for quick to feel somewhat akin to painless. Perhaps "numbness" is a better word.
I'll be re-starting this blog -title, pic and perhaps even a slightly edited post or two- on Blogger in July when I will be able to continue the journey I tried to attempt in the fall of 2009. I'm proud I attempted it then, when I was feeling the effects of efforts of those closest to me as well as those I'd never met drowning out any hope for positivity at that time in my life.
Thanks to everyone who has allowed me the negative time necessary to heal from so much hurt. I couldn't have done it without each and every friend-0ld and new- who all lifted me up through this spiritually trying time, whether you even knew what I was healing from or not.
Positively seeing you in July!
Zen was not meditating at 10:52 AM